During the first year of our marriage, David and I attended the church where our wedding ceremony was held. A large, thriving church, we were eagerly anticipating making friends, especially young couple friends, getting involved in the music ministry, and being grown and fed together. We attended the young adult Sunday School class and played keys and bass in the morning praise band on a regular basis. Although we attended each week and tried hard to connect with the people we encountered, it just wasn't a good fit for us.
I would consider both of us solid Christians. This is not to brag, but we were both raised in a Christian home, attended church all our life, and even studied at a Christian university. But Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 10 could not be more clear, "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall" (vs 12). The lack of deep Christian fellowship and accountability in our lives during our first year of marriage was definitely a source of weakness for us.
Recently, we joined a local church just minutes from our house. We started attending there last fall and have felt more shepherded, loved, and grown in a few, short months, than we did in a whole year at our previous church. From an outsider's perspective, the church we now attend would not seem like the place for a young couple. It is an older church, and by older, I mean that the average age of the congregation is around 70-75! It is also a smaller church, with probably 50 in attendance on a good Sunday. There aren't any big programs or activities for our age group. David's parents attend this church. David's dad is in charge of planning and leading worship each week. We love David's parents so much, but at the beginning of our marriage, we didn't want to attend the same church as they, just so we could establish who we were as a couple spiritually. So there is absolutely nothing that, from an outside perspective, would draw us to this church.
Except for God.
Though the church is small, we have enjoyed such sweet fellowship in our time there. We enjoy attending church with David's parents and getting to run the race alongside them. We are one of 5 young couples that regularly attend on Sundays, meet for dinner and Bible study on Tuesday evenings, and spend time together outside of church activities, and our number seems to be increasing each week. What used to be about a 10 person Bible study has steadily grown to around 20! We have come to know, trust, and love these sweet couples in such a short time, and we are always encouraged by their faith and humor. We are also still using our musical abilities and assisting in leading worship each Sunday. We are just as involved as we were at our previous church, but there is one fundamental difference.
Fellowship. (Acts 2:42)
One of the things we've learned the most out of this whole process is not only is it vitally important to have solid doctrine and teaching at the church you attend, it is also vitally important to have fellowship. At the first church we attended, the sermons and services were always very solid, filled with meaty truth, and excellent at instruction and growth. But pair that powerful mix along with deep fellowship - accountability, knowing and being known, praying together, playing together - and you get a dynamic combination. We feel like we have grown more in the past 6 months than ever before in our marriage, not just because of the Word unashamedly preached weekly, but because of the chance to live out, be reminded of, and be encouraged with that Word throughout the week. All because of fellowship.
Now I'm not saying that we should only fellowship with people in our own age group. We greatly enjoy getting to know our pastor and his wife, who are middle-aged, and the older people of the congregation. But it is incredible to live out the Word together with people who are right there with us in this stage of life. You need a balance of both - mature discipleship (We love our pastor and it is incredible how much more his sermons mean because we know he cares for us.) and like-minded accountability.
I will never discount how much a solid church body can do for a marriage. You and your wife/husband may have been raised, drenched, saturated in the Christian culture all your lives, but you can't do life alone. You need each other, but you also need like-minded believers walking alongside you to encourage, strengthen, and challenge you.
The church is looking to grow in the next year by reaching out to youth, starting an apartment ministry, and doing more to support missions. They are looking for great growth and for more to be brought into the fellowship. While this is important to us and definitely the direction the church needs to go, I think we are living proof of an answer to those desires and prayers. God is already at work in our church and in us and in our marriage, and we are so grateful for His faithfulness and for the love and fellowship of our fellow believers.
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